JUSTIFIABLE EXCUSES!!

Yeah, I know it's been six months since my last blog posting and not a single one of my promises has been kept. And, I can give a whole list of excuses like being extremely unwell and finally having major surgery in June to justify my absence. But, that isn't all that I want to write about today.

Michelle Muto (a fabulous author, so please check out her work) recently posted a cartoon on her Facebook page that said "Writing is 90% procrastination, and 30% panic". Wow, that is probably the most true statement I have seen in a long time, and pretty much sums up my entire writing life.

For most writers, excuses are the justifiable pieces of our procrastination process. As for me, I will dig for those type of excuses, because "hey, then it's not my fault that I couldn't write". Well, heaven forbid that not writing is my fault!!!

So, today's blog is about "excuses", justifiable or not. (And, by the way, these are my excuses and I take full responsibility for them) :)

1. No support - I know that there have been many authors out there that became successful solely on their own, with no help from anybody. But, I have a feeling that they are a rare breed, with an abundance of self-confidence that they could sell on Ebay for a butt load of money. Because, most of the authors I read put a little blurb in the front or back of the book thanking people who helped them along the way (and, I don't mean help with research). Most authors talk about how their spouses supported them by bringing them latte's, or keeping the kids quiet, cooking supper, etc... I'm sure you get my drift.
Sadly, I don't quite have one of those. Oh, I have a spouse, but he's not the supper cooking, latte bringing kind. Does he support me in my writing? Yeah, but only as far as saying "I think you should do it", while he proceeds to eat the supper that I cooked. But, seriously, he's not all that bad. It's just that he and I are two totally different people that like totally different things. He doesn't read books (unless they are about fixing engines), so he doesn't get the concept of what it takes to write one. He doesn't get that a writer has to shut out the living world while they are creating a world of fiction. And, I think that if I say something about it, all he will hear is "you don't want to live in the real world with me".

Support from friends or other family members is a totally different story than from a spouse. In my world, the upside is that my best friend supports me completely. The downside is that she is also my total opposite. She loves to read, but not the kind of books that I read and write. So, that kind of leaves me without someone to bounce ideas off of. But, I love her anyway. Now, my daughter does read most of the same books that I do, and we have gotten together a few times for "idea bouncing sessions", but she is also very busy with her own life, and that makes it difficult for us to find the time.

Okay, enough with the "no support" theory. I would call this one at least 30% justifiable, because if I had enough self-confidence I would look for other ways to get the support I need. You know, like from other authors or joining some type of writing group, or...wait a minute, did I say self-confidence??? By golly, I think I just found excuse number two.

2. Self-confidence - Oh yeah, this one is a biggy!!! You know why?? Because, I was born without the self-confidence gene. I know, it's sad isn't it? Whatever!!!
The depressing part is that the gene only kicks in at certain times. I worked in the medical billing/coding field for twelve years, and every one of those years I received excellent reviews and was given more challenging work assignments. But, when it comes to writing, that stupid self-confidence gene cowers in the corner of my DNA and refuses to help. What's up with that??? My thought, is that the work I did in the medical field had a formula to it. There were guidelines I had to follow to complete my work in a timely and professional manner. With writing, there are no guidelines for creativity. I think that sometimes, my creativity is hiding in the same corner as my self-confidence and it is going to take a massive amount of coddling to lure them out. And sadly, chocolate doesn't work as bait.

So, I would say that this one is about 40% justifiable, because if I could avoid the anxiety my self-confidence causes, then I could...oh, oh, oh!!! Wait a minute!!! Did I say anxiety??? I do believe, that I have stumbled upon excuse number three.

(little side note here, I have received 4 phone calls since I started writing this and the phone is about to be thrown out the window)

3. Anxiety - Also known as panic or fear. This excuse easily goes along with the self-confidence issue, and some would say that they are the same thing. But, I say that they are two separate entities that thrive on different levels of our psyche. A person can be completely self-confidant, but have anxiety about getting a promotion, or receiving an award. Now, on the flip side of this, a person with no self-confidence will always have anxiety. Yeah, it sucks.
For me, my anxiety rules my writing life. In my professional world, I had self-confidence and very little anxiety. In my creative world, anxiety wins out every time and my self-confidence is nonexistant. My creative world has also enhanced my social anxiety (read previous blog postings for more info) and just thinking about trying to make connections with other people makes me nervous. I follow many authors on Twitter and I have actually pushed myself to interact with them on occasion. Now, here's the funny thing. When I really put myself out there and interact with other authors, I feel my self-confidence begin to grow, and my anxiety levels go down. And so, my writing improves and I find fewer excuses to write.

Now, when I started having some health problems and I physically didn't feel like writing, I completely stayed away from Twitter. I just could not make myself get on there and read what was going on with other authors. Hmm, still can't quite figure out why. Unless, it was because I felt guilty for not writing and therefore no longer felt I should be a part of their world. If that is truly the case, then social anxiety wins again.

I also have to think that most of the anxiety a writer goes through is fear of the end result. You know...my manuscript is finished and is now published for all the world to read. So, what usely happens next? Yep, review time. Words of praise or criticism. Of course, we all want the praise. Praise is the validation that our self-confidence needs to avoid the anxiety of writing our next book. But, criticism? Oh boy, that is the one thing that can completely push our self-confidence below the earth and boost our anxiety levels to the moon. And, some people out there can find fault with every single part of your book, whether it is deserved or not. (BTW, if I read one more "It's a rip-off of Twilight" I think that I am going to scream. I have even seen this happen with non-vampire book reviews. Huh???)

In any case, anxiety could be considered about 60% justifiable, because sometimes there just isn't enough Xanax in the world to treat the levels I go through when it comes to writing.
　
Well, I think that I will stop with these three "justifiable" excuses and leave you with this one thought:

If you add up all of the "justifiable excuses" in the world, the only answer you are going to get is--procrastination. And, I am the Queen!!!

WHAT A WEEK!!

Wow, this past week and a half has been a wild one. A couple of weeks ago I began going through the little snippets of book ideas that I have been writing down for years, and found one that hit me like a herd of elephants. My mind, unable to shut down, took this idea and flew with it. Well, after three days, a plot for all three books of a trilogy, 6000 words of the first book written, stiff hands, one sore shoulder (from typing), and a playlist of songs, my exhausted mind finally crashed back to earth.

After taking a short breather, that included ice packs for my shoulder and Ibuprofen for my hands, I looked over what I had written. My first thought was, Holy smokes, I wrote that?, and then I realized that my passion for this book was evident in the words I was reading. I have never had an idea hit me this hard, as you would be able to tell by all of the books I stopped writing after the first chapter. And so, with my excitement still unabated, I have continued on with this book. I am so thrilled that I will one day get to share it with world (or at least anyone who wants to read it).

And, now, comes the honesty part. My 'social anxiety' is hitting an all time high. Yep, that dreaded self doubt in is trying to pull my ship of happiness back to its shores. But, I will say that Daniel and Ivy (my hero and heroine in Ravens Hollow) are helping me to fight the 'Dastardly Doubt.' And, I have made a promise to myself, and Daniel and Ivy, that I WILL NOT give up on this story.

So, in the weeks to come, I promise that I will get a synopsis posted, and a link to the song and video that has helped to keep me going through all of this.

P.S. One more thing I want to do, is to give a little shout out to author Jennifer Snyder. Jennifer, you will never know what you have done for me this week. But, if you ever read the previous postings on my blog, you might be able to guess. Thanks so much for being my friend on Twitter.

NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS

I know that we are already 20 days into the new year, but I just had to get my new year's resolution put out here into cyber space. Maybe seeing it in print will help me keep it this year.

If you read my blog from yesterday, you will know that I have a very hard time in social situations. People may think that Twitter, Facebook, and blogging would be easier for a person like me since we aren't in the same room. But, it is just as difficult, since I am putting myself out there to be scrutinized. I have seen so many things on Twitter and Facebook that I have wanted to respond to and didn't, because I thought "why would anyone care what I have to say." Well, I care about what I have to say, and now I am going to say it. So, if you see me responding to something you have written, it is because I care about both what you and how I feel about it.

Okay, so back to the resolution part. I actually have three this year. The first is to work through my social anxiety and really put myself out there. The second is to finish my book. And, the third is to publish my book independently.

I am happy to say, that after only 20 days, I am still on track with all three. I actually posted some things on Twitter yesterday and responded to someone else's post. I finished the prologue and started chapter one of my book. And, I contacted someone about cover art, checked on ISBN numbers and did some research on ebook publishing. So, not bad for a chick like me.

The only drawback to any of my plans, are the physical limitations I go through on a daily basis. I guess I forgot to mention that even though I am young, I have severe arthritis in both of my thumbs. The pain involves the entire thumb and down into my wrist, and this is on BOTH of my hands. I have had two surgeries already and will need at least two more. This type of arthritis is not caused by age, but by the fact that I am double jointed and have always been able to do freaky things with my thumbs, so I wore them out faster than normal. Cool, huh?

So, from this day forward, my blogs are going to be about the progress I am making on my book, books I have read and the authors that wrote them, tidbits of my life, music, and any other fun things I can think of.

By the way, this is the little face that greets me every morning, begs to be in my lap all day, and makes me smile through all the tough times. Her name is Shelby.

TIME TO LET MY HAIR DOWN!!!

One of the reasons I started this blog was to try and pull myself out of the hole I dug for myself a long time ago. It is not easy for my to put myself out in to the world socially. Unless, there is liquor involved, and then I'm quite the social butterfly. =D

But, after reading what little I have wrote, I realized I am still living in my hidey-hole. I have always been the type of person who does for others, and never myself. My happiness comes from those around me who are happy. I celebrate their joys, and never my own. I don't enjoy going to parties, weddings, or any other social gatherings. So, I don't live, I just exist. I'm the wallflower in this party called life.

Well, have you figured it out yet?? Yep, it's called social anxiety. So, now that you know my little secret, it's time to make a change. Time to let my hair down and open myself up to the world and let them know I am here.

It's sad to say that this thing has kept me from doing so many things over the years, and writing is one of them. Oh, I have written many things. But, they were always reserved and diffident. The sad part is that the few times I actually put myself into something, the feedback was phenomenal. I have been told by a few teachers and professors that I needed to be a writer. Can't get much better than that, right? Well, the draw back to acting on such a thing would be the rejections I would receive from publishers. I just could not even think about putting myself through that. (did you catch that? I never even thought about acceptance, only rejection) But, the world has opened up for indie authors and I am going to live in that world.

Okay, there is so much more I could tell you, but enough of the sad junk. Time to tip my world on its axis and let the storm in.

So, if you are reading this I just want to say "WELCOME TO MY NEW WORLD AND I HOPE YOU ENJOY THE RIDE."

It's time to kick the tires, and light the fires!! Woo Hoo!! I'm...I'm...I'm...crap I forgot to put the gas in. Oh, well, I guess I'll walk instead of fly.

P.S. The people that I have actually let in to know the real me would tell you that that last line is really me. I love to "try" and be funny, and sometimes I succeed.

WHAT I LOVE AND HATE ABOUT INDIE BOOKS!

I discovered Indie (self published) books a little over a year ago, after being forced into an early retirement and had fewer funds for the more expensive traditionally published ebooks. Since then I have purchased over 100 Indie books and have fell completely in love with the them and the authors who write them.

I feel that indie authors take more of a leap of faith, by self publishing their works, than they do by sending it into a publisher to be scrutinized by people looking for the next best seller. They are also able to publish books that do not conform to the current hysteria or the most popular flavor of the month. I know, some do, but they also take that flavor and add something new to it.

So, the things that I love about indie books, and their authors, is the courage they display by being themselves. They have forged a new horizon for the rest of us writers who have sat back in silent terror of the big publishing houses and their pile of rejection form letters.

What I hate most about indie books are the the bad feedback they get from some of their readers. Most of the bad feedback I have read is directed more at the few grammatical errors found in the book, rather than the story. Yes, I have read a few books (very few) where the grammar was terrible and it did take away from the story. But, what the readers need to understand is that these books do not go through a tradional editing format. They are usually edited by friends, family, fans, or volunteers. And, hey, I can easily see the editor getting so caught up in the story that they forget to do the editing.

So, to all readers out there, please give indie authors a break and see what is really in front of you. What you have in your hands is a piece of art that a brave artist has created to bring enjoyment to your life. Nothing in life is perfect. Flaws are what brings beauty to a fabulous piece of art. If you don't believe me, look at paintings by Picasso. They are one big, beautiful mess.

Okay, I just had to get that off my chest. I will hopefully be joining the ranks of indie authors during the next year and I wanted to let them know how much inspiration they have already brought to my life. You are the most courageous, brilliant, and talented people. You have given me something that no one else has ever been able to give me. HOPE!!

P.S. For all readers and reviewers out there, please quit comparing every book to "Twilight". Stephenie Meyer did not set the precedence on young adult/paranormal books or vampires. They both have actually been around for quite some time. She just helped to bring this genre back into the limelight.