Yeah, I know it's been six months since my last blog posting and not a single one of my promises has been kept. And, I can give a whole list of excuses like being extremely unwell and finally having major surgery in June to justify my absence. But, that isn't all that I want to write about today.
Michelle Muto (a fabulous author, so please check out her work) recently posted a cartoon on her Facebook page that said "Writing is 90% procrastination, and 30% panic". Wow, that is probably the most true statement I have seen in a long time, and pretty much sums up my entire writing life.
For most writers, excuses are the justifiable pieces of our procrastination process. As for me, I will dig for those type of excuses, because "hey, then it's not my fault that I couldn't write". Well, heaven forbid that not writing is my fault!!!
So, today's blog is about "excuses", justifiable or not. (And, by the way, these are my excuses and I take full responsibility for them) :)
1. No support - I know that there have been many authors out there that became successful solely on their own, with no help from anybody. But, I have a feeling that they are a rare breed, with an abundance of self-confidence that they could sell on Ebay for a butt load of money. Because, most of the authors I read put a little blurb in the front or back of the book thanking people who helped them along the way (and, I don't mean help with research). Most authors talk about how their spouses supported them by bringing them latte's, or keeping the kids quiet, cooking supper, etc... I'm sure you get my drift.
Sadly, I don't quite have one of those. Oh, I have a spouse, but he's not the supper cooking, latte bringing kind. Does he support me in my writing? Yeah, but only as far as saying "I think you should do it", while he proceeds to eat the supper that I cooked. But, seriously, he's not all that bad. It's just that he and I are two totally different people that like totally different things. He doesn't read books (unless they are about fixing engines), so he doesn't get the concept of what it takes to write one. He doesn't get that a writer has to shut out the living world while they are creating a world of fiction. And, I think that if I say something about it, all he will hear is "you don't want to live in the real world with me".
Support from friends or other family members is a totally different story than from a spouse. In my world, the upside is that my best friend supports me completely. The downside is that she is also my total opposite. She loves to read, but not the kind of books that I read and write. So, that kind of leaves me without someone to bounce ideas off of. But, I love her anyway. Now, my daughter does read most of the same books that I do, and we have gotten together a few times for "idea bouncing sessions", but she is also very busy with her own life, and that makes it difficult for us to find the time.
Okay, enough with the "no support" theory. I would call this one at least 30% justifiable, because if I had enough self-confidence I would look for other ways to get the support I need. You know, like from other authors or joining some type of writing group, or...wait a minute, did I say self-confidence??? By golly, I think I just found excuse number two.
2. Self-confidence - Oh yeah, this one is a biggy!!! You know why?? Because, I was born without the self-confidence gene. I know, it's sad isn't it? Whatever!!!
The depressing part is that the gene only kicks in at certain times. I worked in the medical billing/coding field for twelve years, and every one of those years I received excellent reviews and was given more challenging work assignments. But, when it comes to writing, that stupid self-confidence gene cowers in the corner of my DNA and refuses to help. What's up with that??? My thought, is that the work I did in the medical field had a formula to it. There were guidelines I had to follow to complete my work in a timely and professional manner. With writing, there are no guidelines for creativity. I think that sometimes, my creativity is hiding in the same corner as my self-confidence and it is going to take a massive amount of coddling to lure them out. And sadly, chocolate doesn't work as bait.
So, I would say that this one is about 40% justifiable, because if I could avoid the anxiety my self-confidence causes, then I could...oh, oh, oh!!! Wait a minute!!! Did I say anxiety??? I do believe, that I have stumbled upon excuse number three.
(little side note here, I have received 4 phone calls since I started writing this and the phone is about to be thrown out the window)
3. Anxiety - Also known as panic or fear. This excuse easily goes along with the self-confidence issue, and some would say that they are the same thing. But, I say that they are two separate entities that thrive on different levels of our psyche. A person can be completely self-confidant, but have anxiety about getting a promotion, or receiving an award. Now, on the flip side of this, a person with no self-confidence will always have anxiety. Yeah, it sucks.
For me, my anxiety rules my writing life. In my professional world, I had self-confidence and very little anxiety. In my creative world, anxiety wins out every time and my self-confidence is nonexistant. My creative world has also enhanced my social anxiety (read previous blog postings for more info) and just thinking about trying to make connections with other people makes me nervous. I follow many authors on Twitter and I have actually pushed myself to interact with them on occasion. Now, here's the funny thing. When I really put myself out there and interact with other authors, I feel my self-confidence begin to grow, and my anxiety levels go down. And so, my writing improves and I find fewer excuses to write.
Now, when I started having some health problems and I physically didn't feel like writing, I completely stayed away from Twitter. I just could not make myself get on there and read what was going on with other authors. Hmm, still can't quite figure out why. Unless, it was because I felt guilty for not writing and therefore no longer felt I should be a part of their world. If that is truly the case, then social anxiety wins again.
I also have to think that most of the anxiety a writer goes through is fear of the end result. You know...my manuscript is finished and is now published for all the world to read. So, what usely happens next? Yep, review time. Words of praise or criticism. Of course, we all want the praise. Praise is the validation that our self-confidence needs to avoid the anxiety of writing our next book. But, criticism? Oh boy, that is the one thing that can completely push our self-confidence below the earth and boost our anxiety levels to the moon. And, some people out there can find fault with every single part of your book, whether it is deserved or not. (BTW, if I read one more "It's a rip-off of Twilight" I think that I am going to scream. I have even seen this happen with non-vampire book reviews. Huh???)
In any case, anxiety could be considered about 60% justifiable, because sometimes there just isn't enough Xanax in the world to treat the levels I go through when it comes to writing.
Well, I think that I will stop with these three "justifiable" excuses and leave you with this one thought:
If you add up all of the "justifiable excuses" in the world, the only answer you are going to get is--procrastination. And, I am the Queen!!!
